Be the wedding guest your friends deserve
+ what to wear (because I'm 27 dresses IRL)
You don’t have to be the life of the party to bring life to the party!
This is a sentiment that is true always, but especially as it relates to weddings—an event of which I am an extra* seasoned vet. I feel like Katherine Heigl in 27 Dresses expect my number’s a bit higher. Come October, I will have attended 32 weddings in the last 6 years (8x as a bridesmaid) and considering I have been unattached for exactly half that time, I have gone to the majority of them without a proper +1. That may scare some of you (boo!), but I know in my heart it has only worked in my favor because I am a great solo wedding guest.
Typically I would refrain from deeming myself “great” at anything in such blunt terms (there are much more poetic ways to humble brag), but various newlywed friends have given me excellent feedback on my wedding participation and performance. And given the extreme niche-ness of the compliment and the topic at hand, it’s essential to acknowledge!
We’re about to dive headfirst into another wedding season and to prepare, I thought I might create a little guidebook on how to give the bride and groom what they REALLY want. No, it’s not a set of champagne coupes from Bloomingdales or a cash contribution to their honeymoon (which is NOT the same as their mini-moon, btw)… it’s to see their guests having the time of their f*cking lives and feel relief that a year’s worth of time/energy/cold hard ca$h was well spent. “We’d do it all over again!”
They want juicy little stories that involve friends of friends that would never be together otherwise. They want sweaty, dancing bodies scream-singing the final tune: Mr. Brightside or Sweet Caroline, depending on the venue. They want the open bar to literally run out of alcohol (ok maybe they don’t want from a monetary perspective, but you know what I mean). And they would be absolutely, positively tickled to hear about a fleeting wedding weekend romance. “We sat you guys next to each other HOPING this would happen!”
And if you are not a Leo Party Girl Rising, do not worry! You too can become the wedding guest your friends deserve.
So, without further I Do…
WEDDING GUEST VOWS.
Repeat after me:
I promise to lean into the corny, cheesy bits with gusto and enthusiasm. Weddings, at their core, are a celebration of ~hope~ which is arguably the most energizing feeling we’ve got! So laugh at all the jokes, tear up at touching declarations of love, and leave your cynicism at the door. There’s no such thing as too much hootin’ and hollerin’.
I will be on the dance floor as long as possible. When I look back at my favorite weddings, they all had buzzing dance floors. And that requires everyone’s participation! Leave only to refill your drink (or perhaps a glass of water?), participate in another wedding-sponsored activity like a photo booth or dessert bar, or touch-up in the bathroom.
I promise to wear shoes that I can dance in to ensure I’m accountable for vow #2. I wear essentially two types of heels to weddings: kitten heel slingbacks and platforms. Both of these ensure your feet are happy all night long. And I’m going to say something that must be said. The single strap, nude, block toe heels that we all have in our closets… it’s time to retire them! They are objectively uncomfortable and what I would consider the plain bagel of evening footwear. So if neither fashion nor function is being checked off, what is their true purpose?
I will introduce myself to and thank the parents on each side. Regardless of who is ‘hosting’ the wedding, this is a family event and a big day for everyone. A sad aspect of adulthood is not being able to spend time with our friends’ parents and siblings like we could when you we younger. Take advantage of the opportunity and make your rounds. I love looking back at the little moments I had with the Moms and Dads of the bride and groom. And if you don’t know what to say, just gush over the happy couple.
I vow to be a hype girl and give out compliments to anyone and everyone in my path. Compliments are an energy source. When you give them out, you essentially transfer positive energy to the recipient and collect some for yourself. And there’s no easier time to give someone a compliment than when you are a Signature Drink deep and everyone’s (extra) dressed to the nines.
I will go to the After Party, even if I am tired, because this is the best night of my friends’ lives and they don’t want it to end. The goal is to get everyone to the next location and people typically go with the herd, so be a part of that migration. Pop in for a moment if that’s all you can muster!
I will try to entertain the other singles at the event. We can’t complain about the dating apps and lack of IRL meetups and refuse to lean in when opportunities present themselves! If you’re solo and seated next to someone who is also solo, just have fun with it. Practice your flirting! Be young, wild, and free! There’s something sincerely charming about meeting someone at a wedding… no matter how fleeting it may be.
I promise to dress appropriately for the occasion because dress codes exist for a reason. Style points count. See below for more details.
THE DRESS CODE.
Rinse & repeat. Have I bought a new dress for all 32 weddings? Helllllll no. I rent them, I borrow from friends, and I outfit repeat like no one’s business. Last year I wore the same Welcome Party dress to four different weddings… and the same two dresses for the actual ceremonies. I make them feel fresh by styling them with different accessories, based on the occasion and setting.
HOT TIP: Find a brand you love and stick with them. For me, that is For Love and Lemons. I RIDE FOR MY FLL GIRLS. Their dresses are feminine and make always statement. Plus, I know exactly how they fit. This makes it easier to shop on eBay and Poshmark or from rental sites! I also think this helps with figuring out and solidifying your sense of style.
Vibe coding. I personally think that dressing for the ~vibe~ is just as important as dressing up to code. A Black Tie optional dress on the beach in Mexico should be styled differently than a Black Tie optional dress at a country club in New England. My inner sorority girl says to treat them like adult theme parties! Except with more fabric and top shelf alcohol.
Sharing some ideas below based off of the mood rather than the dress code — because you could also wear some of these dresses to the less formal Welcome Party!
Think spring - early summer. Outdoor ceremony. Rhode Island. Santa Barbara. Wine country. Backyard wedding. Botanical gardens. If the bride is giving Nancy Meyers and cares a lot about florals, I would lean into this look/feel.
L to R: Princess Polly, Pretty Little Thing, Line and Dot, Six Stories, Aflred Sung, Elliatt, Dessy Collection, L’IDEE, Bronx and Banco, Sau Lee
Pretty much year-round because where you’re going is probably always ~summer~. Beach ceremony. Mexico. Miami. Hawaii. Palm Springs. If the wedding is a true destination weekend, I always try to turn up the spice and color.
Asos, Peppermayo, SNDYS, Show Me Your MuMu, RESA, NBD, Elliatt, Anthropologie, Staud, Retrofete
Think later summer through fall. Ballroom or banquet hall. Maybe the ceremony is in a church and the reception is in a ballroom. A bit more traditional and/or conservative. City ceremony. Country club. Bride and groom’s hometown.
L to R: Endless Rose, Azazie, Katie May, Showpo, Amanda Uprichard, Reformation, L’IDEE, V Chapman, ALC
Occasionally you get a dress code that says Creative Formal or Avant Garde or Colorful Black Tie and that means the bride and groom want you to show up and show out. Accessorize. Lean color, shape, and texture. They want their photos to be vibrant, so don’t play it safe!
L to R: Asos, Asos, AFRM, Show Me Your Mumu, JW Pei, Lisa Maree, Elliatt, Retrofete, Selezza London, AKNVAS
All dresses can be found here in my ShopMy. Disclaimer, these are affiliate links meaning I will get a small commission if you shop them :)
Tell me about YOUR wedding season! What’s been your favorite outfit? Most fun wedding? Craziest story? Spill ↓
xx Caylee
THIS IS SO ON POINT. I will forever now go up to both set of parents and intro myself
FAB FAB FAB