Everything they say about New York City is true, depending on the day. All the bad stuff is actually worse. All the good stuff is so much better. You can’t even fathom how good it can be.
Every once in awhile, in the late afternoon, when dusk is approaching but not quite there, the sky turns to this unique hue of blue that makes it look painted. The clouds are perfectly puffed up and the end-of-day sunshine peeks through the trees and reflects onto the brick buildings. The city noise becomes an ambient sound. It’s what I assume a movie set feels like; everything perfectly in place.
I hardly feel more present than I do in those fleeting city moments. The juxtaposition of the chaos and the calm tugs on my heart strings in a way I’m not sure anywhere else could.
Growing up in Southern California, Manhattan was a far away, make believe land. It was glamorized in the rom-coms I grew up with (my #1 was Serendipity), the TV shows I watched (you know you love me), and in every other aspect of cool pop culture I consumed. It seemed like it was the center of the universe! Where luck could strike at any moment and all your wildest dreams could come true. So I was elated when I finally got to go and see it for myself.
My first visit to the city was in 2008. I was a junior in high school and my family was back east for my younger brother’s lacrosse tournament. It knocked my fucking socks off. Oh how I wanted to be a fabulous city girl! I wanted to hail a cab in high heels and drink martinis and fall in love and catch a Broadway show on a whim because I could. And after countless visits reaffirming my deep connection to the city, I finally made the move when I was 29. I knew if I didn’t go right then, I never would, and I’d regret it forever.
I read a quote by Rumi years ago that says: “Respond to every call that excites your spirit.” And that perfectly encapsulates the call the city. It reaches out to you on an spiritual level, and you simply must go.
Looking back at the last 5 years, I’ve lived out so many of my New York dreams… and a few unforeseen nightmares. The first year was not so much a warm welcome, but more of a hazing rite of passage.
Cockroaches, mice, a broken pipe that flooded my apartment and left me without heat for a week… in the middle of January. A terrible breakup, laid off from two jobs back-to-back, and an evil landlord that didn’t give a single flying fuck about any of it. I felt small, jealous, isolated, confused, frustrated, and soooooooo lonely.
On an especially brutal evening (dead cockroach infestation discovery) I fled my house and figured I should treat myself to dinner somewhere nice, as a reward. I had been wanting to try L’Artusi, a hot n buzzy Italian spot down the street. It’s not the kind of place you can usually sneak into, but in my desperation for a nice moment, I was willing to try. My eyes were teary, my spirits were low, but there was a seat at the bar. A win! I ordered the cacio e pepe (one of the best in the city imo) and a glass of rosé and starting journaling off some stream. The seat next to me was reserved which I found a little odd, since it was a bar, but that’s what happens when Brooke Shields is coming in for a nightcap. She sat right next to me, enveloping our bar seats in the unmistakable air of celebrity. She chit-chatted with the bartender and had a plate and a glass within moments. « Eavesdropping on celebrity gossip firsthand is quite the high. Call me Deux Moi? » Suddenly I was reminded… I’M IN NEW YORK, BABY! I’m dining with Brooke Shields on a random weekday. This is OUR local spot. This place is incredible!!!
That whole experience—from cockroaches to serendipitous encounters—is what makes New York, New York. The duality of the highs and lows. Without the low moments, the high ones wouldn’t feel so good.
And let me tell you, there have been many highs. I saw myself on the Nasdaq building in the middle of Times Square. I got out of the subway, turned a corner, and there I was! My face in a sea of lights. Absolutely surreal. I was an extra in an episode of And Just Like That and got to wear a Cult Gaia gown and be on set with the queen of the West Village (and beyond), SJP. I won lottery tickets to see Hamilton and have been to countless Broadway shows (yes, many of them on a whim). I attended fashion shows during NYFW and black tie galas at the New York Public Library. I’ve felt inspired, brave, glamorous, independent, creative, and soooooooo empowered.
It’s toughened me, and also filled me with more empathy than I had before. As I was gearing up to make the journey out east, I had a passing conversation with a friend of a friend about his experience in NYC. I asked what his favorite part of living in the city was. He took a moment to mull it over and really think about it. Finally, he said: “I think just brushing shoulders with different cultures every single day.” I loved that answer. And it’s true. Living in New York is one of the most human experiences you can have, if only because to the sheer volume of people you’re exposed to on a daily basis.
When I think about my experience in New York as a whole, the glittery moments I mentioned above stand out because they’re unique. But the little day-to-day observances are what really defined it:
~ The first Halloween I experienced in the city was like something out of a 90s Disney channel original. Perfectly crisp air, the sky donning it’s special hue of blue, closed off streets filled with squealing trick-or-treaters, local businesses handing out candy, parents on stoops handing out drinks to other parents, a community pumpkin carving contest in Abingdon Square, townhouses decked out in spooky decor. You hear about crazy Halloween parties, but to see a such simple, sweet tradition up close and personal was incredibly charming. It was one of the first time’s I felt like I was “in.”
~ I’d drop my clothes off to be washed and folded at my local spot, W 11th St Cleaners. The owner, Jean, was a neighborhood celeb. Tiny, adorable, hardworking, and incredibly humble. Her family would commute almost 2-hours on public transit every day, both ways, to get to work. One day I picked up my freshly fluffed clothes and noticed that my teddy bear had found it’s way into my hamper. He was tucked into my sheets and had been washed and fluffed himself. Jean said they took care of him. It was the cutest thing in the entire world.
~ There’s a florist meets coffee shop in the West Village called Plant Shed where I’d work from occasionally. One morning, a handsome 30-something man walked into the café, suited up, on his way to work. He greeted the florist by name and said: “Let’s do pink this week, maybe around $150?” and she told him the bouquet would be ready by the end of the day. I would have been sick with envy had I not been totally overcome with delight. Romance, and chivalry, are alive and well!
Life just runs differently in New York. You can have brunch near Central Park with one friend, afternoon drinks in Soho with another, and see a show in Queens all in the same Saturday. Spontaneity always beats tight plans. Martinis are acceptable, I’d argue even encouraged, on Monday nights. Directions are best given in cross-streets and subway exits. Seasons change when the planters swap out their landscaping: tulips to geraniums to mews to pine branches. You’re never overdressed and the answer to “Is this too much?” is always “No.” When the home teams win, people erupt into the city’s biblical back-to-back mashup of Frank Sinatra’s crooning New York, New York and Jay Z’s Empire State of Mind. Both capturing the essence of what it truly feels like to be a part of it.
To me—and countless others—the city is simply magic. And I am forever grateful to have experienced it firsthand. To understand it intimately; for all it’s good, bad, ugly, and divine.
I recently started a new chapter in a new city, but refuse to bid New York farewell. It will never, ever be goodbye. But rather, see you soon, my love!
xx, Caylee
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Caylee! Where'd you move to?!
Love this!!!! ❤️❤️❤️