How to romanticize your life (according to self-proclaimed experts)
Thoughts on living for the little things
Today’s edition is a collaboration between Caylee Ashwell of extra dressed, and Kayla Douglas, editor behind The Sunday Series—book club besties, downtown New York girlies, and lovers of the little things, this special send is intended to help you romanticize your life.
Two thirty-somethings walk into a bar…and immediately transform into the main characters of a ‘90s Nora Ephron movie. What can we say? We’re hopeless romantics romanticizers.
Maybe it’s because we live in New York City. Maybe it’s because we were once impressionable tweens during the romantic comedy peak of the early 2000s. Maybe it’s because we’re single and have developed a parasocial connection to the women of Sex and the City and their respective timelines. Whatever it is, we’ve bonded over our ability to romanticize our lives.
This ones for the girls who get excited about anything and everything!!!!!
A little intro:
This collab means everything to me! If you’re reading this I assume you are familiar with me and extra dressed. So, let me formally introduce you to one of my nearest & dearest friends, Kayla Douglas, a bright light in my New York life and a huuuge source of inspiration for me. Kayla is someone that does it all and makes it look effortless. She’s a 3X marathon-runner, has traveled to more countries than most could name on a map (if you’ve got a trip planned make sure to check out her coveted travel guides!), and authors three unique Substack publications, including her weekly newsletter The Sunday Series, a platform best-freaking-seller.
She’s also the founder (!!!) of our beloved West Village Book Club which has brought joy, purpose and community to not just its six members, but also any inspired readers that come across it online. She’s a big dreamer, baby!
Now that we covered intros, let’s dive into a warm-up? We’re lucky to live in a city that makes romanticizing an easy part of the everyday. So, we sharing some of our dreamiest spots for you to check out or bookmark for your next trip to the greatest city in the world!!!!!
What does ‘romanticizing your life’ actually mean to you?
Caylee Ashwell: I think it’s about indulging the present moment. We’re constantly being pushed towards what’s next (Anthropologie already has holiday ornaments in their windows for crying out loud), so romanticizing feels like a way to stay grounded in the now.
It’s treating the little things with just as muce importance as the big things. It’s easy to get excited about a trip that’s coming up in six months… It’s more impactful to get excited about something small every single day!
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Kayla Douglas: Romanticizing my life is all about turning the mundane moments into memories. For me, the sensory bits—tasting the season’s first peaches from the farmer’s market, sitting on my roof to journal at sunrise as the full moon sets, walking home listening to an audiobook without scrolling—are the ones that stick with me long after they fade. So even when it comes to the less sexy moments in life (whether I’m schlepping through the city carrying what feels like my body weight in groceries or commuting across town for an inconvenient doctor’s appointment), I try to find a way to treat it all like a game.
I’m constantly stopping to take videos of vignettes that catch my eye across the street, carving out time to get a little treat to savor, or sticking my head out of a taxi to see the movie passing by my window better. For me, romanticizing life is all about noticing the small moments—because the sum of all of them ends up being your life.
How does the West Village Book Club lens fit in—where does literature meet lifestyle?
KD: West Village Book Club is made up of women who really understand the art of romanticizing one’s life. For fear of being too literal, I think the fun part is that every one of us has ‘main character energy’ in our own way—each of us is doing so much professionally and personally. So, beyond the books we read and the connection we have to those stories, we’re using this time in our early to mid-30s to maximize how we move through the world.
We’re not just voracious readers but connected by our shared desire to experience life loudly, taking every opportunity to travel together (we’ve done offsites in Montauk, Montana, Paris!) and making a point to go to concerts, art exhibits, theatre, and book events at every possible turn.
What are your morning non-negotiables?
CA: I’m more of a night owl than a morning person! So I’m pretty gentle and flexible with myself in the AM. I will say I recently started weaving in a morning meditation and it’s been a game-changer on my getting up process. Before getting out of bed, I put on my Omnilux Red Light Mask and listen to a 10-minute meditation on “what’s the best that could happen?” and proceed to spend the first 10 minutes of the morning dreaming up a life where everything goes right. It’s been a positive, grounding habit for me.
KD: I’m such a morning person! My non-negotiable is mainly just that I need at least three hours of runway in the morning before I start work. In my perfect world, I’ve fallen asleep (after reading!) the night prior by 10 p.m., so I’m up between 5 a.m. and 6 a.m., depending on my workout schedule. I love to start the day with journaling when time allows. Then, movement has to happen for me in the morning, and that’s often in the form of a class at 6:30 a.m.—lately, I’ve been loving a weights-based workout, but I’ll mix in sculpt for something lighter, too.
Afterward, I’m coming home to have a proper coffee and take a shower with whatever I’m listening to at the moment in the background, sometimes a podcast, sometimes an audiobook. Then, I’m making myself breakfast…my current hyperfixation is Siggi’s plain Greek yogurt mixed with vanilla protein powder and topped with grain-free paleo granola from Sunlife Organics. Finally, around 9 a.m., I’m walking from West Village to my office in Chelsea on the High Line!
How does your space, outfit, or soundtrack affect your creative energy?
CA: I make a playlist at the start of each season and “brand” them with fun titles and photo covers. If you are not adding cover photos to your Spotify playlists, you’re missing out on prime romanticizing energy! The music becomes associated with whatever I am doing in that moment and the songs always bring me back to specific memories. Right now it’s time to bring back Scorpio Energy and lean into the witchy, mystical vibes again but my Autumn Rom Com is one of my very favorites!
How do you use fashion or routine to shift your mood?
CA: I operate by the 2/3 Rule – Hair, Makeup, Outfit. If you want to feel put together, you need to have at least two of the three done. You never know when you could have a meet-cute on the streets of NYC; one must always be prepared to strike while the time is hot!
What’s your philosophy on getting dressed?
CA: I used to have a poster in my living room that said “I’m nicer when I like my outfit” and while I know there’s a dash (heavy pour?) of millennial cringe in that now, the statement remains the absolute truth. I operate best when I am *extra* dressed. I feel most powerful and beautiful when I am in an outfit that makes me happy. I try to add and refer to my Aspirational board on Pinterest often, esp if I need a little inspiration.
HOT TIP: document every outfit you love! Even just a quick mirror selfie snap. Save them in a folder on your phone so if you’re in a pinch, you can choose from a selection of your greatest hits.
KD: To be honest, getting dressed is something that I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember! Though increasingly, I’m finding greater ease by gravitating toward a true uniform. Basically, my dream outfit every day is a button-down from With Nothing Underneath tucked into a wide-leg jean with a belt and a ballet flat. Throw a sweater over the shoulders on colder days and voilà! Then, when it comes to going out for events or with the girls, I feel my best when I’m extra girly and polished—I love a skirt or dress moment and if terrain allows, a heel!
What’s one tiny food-related luxury that always lifts your spirits?
KD: I’m someone who thinks about eating as an act of pleasure, so every meal I consume is driven by a desire to enjoy myself. Going out to a new buzzy restaurant is a quick hit in that regard, but when I think about romanticizing my life, I actually think so much more about cooking. That starts with the provisioning of ingredients and we’re fortunate to have so many incredible grocers here in the city that carry unique products and artisanal goods imported from around the world. One of my greatest weekly luxuries is my trip to Murray’s Cheese where I buy French butter (Beurre d’Isigny with sea salt crystals), Bulgarian feta (in the brine), Spanish wild-caught tuna (Ortiz, packed in olive oil), Italian olives (Castelvetrano olives, pit in) on a regular rotation, plus whatever else strikes my fancy at the moment!
What’s your definition of a romantic solo meal?
CA: When I first moved to NYC, I had a couple-week run where the city was testing me every which way. Mice, cockroaches, a landlord who was unreachable, a broken AC unit in the middle of the summer…it was like the city was hazing me. I felt so alone and deflated. But instead of wallowing in it, I put on an outfit, grabbed my Kindle and a notebook, and walked outside to go treat myself to a nice dinner. I ended up sitting at the bar at L’Artusi and ordered the cacio e pepe and a glass of rosé. Mid-meal, Brook Shields walked in and sat next to me at the bar (she is a WV girl through and through – her dog is named Tuzi after the restaurant, lol). It was such a fun, unexpected, glitzy city moment. And it was just mine. There was power in that feeling!
KD: Since I live alone, basically every meal at home is a romantic solo meal!!! But the times when I feel most like I’m taking myself on a date are those when I go out and eat at a restaurant alone. The key for me is to always have a book in hand and really make it an entire experience. I did this just yesterday, where I dipped into Commerce Inn with our West Village Book Club October pick and treated myself to a stack of their sumptuous pancakes, eggs, bacon, and coffee. To me, that’s peak romanticizing your life–not waiting for anyone else to do what you want to do, but instead being shamelessly indulgent and present in what feels good.
What does it mean in practice to romanticize your friendships?
CA: “Nearly everything I know about love, I’ve learned in my long-term friendships with women.” That line from Dolly Alderton’s Everything I Know About Love feels like the thesis of this chapter of my life. I’m not currently in a romantic relationship, but the love and fulfillment I find in my friendships are more than enough to fill my cup. But friendships take work!
In your 30s, as everyone’s life journeys take different routes, friendship requires more: a softer ear, a deeper well of empathy, the intention to show up consistently and joyfully, and loudly cheering for your friends’ wins (especially the ones that aren’t babies or weddings).
KD: In the first episode of season four of Sex And The City, Charlotte famously says, “Maybe we can be each other’s soul mates. And then we can let men be just these great, nice guys to have fun with.” This line resonated with many women because our female friendships are built on intricacies that are so entrenched in girl code. My friends are constantly checking in with each other (How did that call go? / Do you want to go see that new film in theaters next week? / OMG, I saw the café down the street is carrying your favorite brand of nutmilk now. / Let’s block that week in July again for our annual summer trip!) with a level of intentionality that feels romantic. And while we each do want that romantic kind of love in our lives, the foundation of our connection to one another will never lose its importance!!!! So, no matter what, watering our friendship garden is always going to be a priority.
Thanks for indulging us with this collab post! We’d love to hear from you in the comments with any advice on ways you romanticize the little things.
XOXO, Caylee and Kayla
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LOVED collabing with you on this!!!! Let’s romanticize the little things together forever 🤍
J'adore this and you gals!