You’re never going to be this young, hot, and free again. Act accordingly!
& 5 post solo traveling realizations
My group chats and newsfeeds contain a lot of this: We’re moving in together! I’m engaged! We got a dog! (Or a cat!) We’re married! I’m pregnant! We bought a house! I’m pregnant again!
And we love that for them! There’s nothing sweeter than seeing your friends happy and fulfilled. You soak up their excitement by proxy and are along for every celebratory milestone from the first “I think he’s the one!” text to their baby’s debut on the IG feed. But I am not on the same timeline and my god, what’s a girl got to do for a milestone moment in her 30s? What declaration does she share in her group chats?! After much thought, I landed on:
“I’m going to Europe for a month!”
And boy, did it ever live up to its milestone moment potential. Not just because it was a month spent in in Europe—though that definitely did a lot of heavy lifting—but because it was an adventure and experience that was uniquely mine. A fleeting, fabulous moment in time that only could have happened exactly now. I had a wedding in Spain so I was going overseas anyway, I had to move out of my apartment so I wasn’t going to be paying rent, and my job is completely remote…a trifecta of lucky bits that made it feel like an obvious choice!
On a walk in Sevilla (the 2nd stop of my travels) the song “You Don’t Own Me” shuffled its way into my ears and it became a sort of anthem of my time. A profoundly obvious realization shaped every decision I made:
I’ll never be this young, hot, or free again. Best act accordingly!
Now I am back stateside and have this joie de vivre that I haven’t felt in awhile. In the months before this solo journey, the word I kept using to describe myself was “floaty”. Like a day-old birthday balloon that bobs in place; slowly draining and losing the energy that once made her exciting and vibrant and FUN. Nothing was grounding me down or pushing me up. And god, what a drag! Right? I felt very disconnected to myself… and for me, the antidote to that feeling has always been adventure.
Not the camping-in-the-wilderness-and-mountain-biking kind of adventure (personal preference, lol), but more of a novel experience seeking kind. Doing something that tickles my curious mind and makes me feel brave, bold, and alive. An experience that leaves me inspired and stretched and infinitely more connected to my creativity.
And this month away gave me all of that and then some. Leaning into the young/hot/free mantra helped shape my perspective and decisions while over there, too. And even though my trip has come and gone, that mindset has stuck with me. I did a lot of journaling (both IRL and in my Notes App) and came to some not-so-profound-but-worth-remembering realizations that I wanted to share with you. You know, in case you’re feeling floaty or need a little shakeup, too.
Leaning into the Young, Hot, Free Mindset:
If everything you dream of happening comes true, then this might be the last time you’ll experience life this way. This was the biggest “aha!” moment. If the chapter I hope to enter is around the corner, then I better squeeze every single bit out of this one! Not once did I wish I had a partner to share the moments with… I was honestly too busy planning days that were catered just to, well, me! I never compromised on anything and indulged myself in a way that always felt celebratory. I spent three days in Paris deciding which pair of shoes and perfume I wanted to buy — I don’t think my friends would have had the patience for that, let alone a romantic partner. But I freaking loveddddd it.
» I ended up buying a pair of silver block heels from Bobbies which are so comfortable and fit perfectly. Very Paris chic & you can get Bobbies from Nordstrom! And the Milky Musk by Parle Moi de Parfum which is warm, unique, and très sexy. I loved all their scent profiles. The other scents that came close were Haute Provence (great name) and Tomboy Neroli (another great name).
Genuinely enjoying your own company is (perhaps) the key to happiness. I love hanging out with myself and this trip made me remember how much fun we (me and myself) have together. There’s a ton of “self-love / be kind to yourself” messaging online and yes, that is important. But I think it’s just as important to learn how to have a good time alone. For days on end. I think solo adventures allow you to deepen that relationship with yourself in a way that strengthens all your other ones. A dinner alone in a crowded restaurant doesn’t have to be scary, it’s actually very empowering and chic!
Nothing is quite as sexy and alluring as indulging in anonymity. I had planned on being a #contentmachine in Europe and capturing/posting/repeating until my thumbs fell off. But once I was in it, I was reminded that one of the most fun aspects of solo travel is that no one else in the entire world knows what the fuck you’re doing. That is inherently HOT. Savor the mystery! In our totally online world, it feels luxurious to lean in.
I read an article from Dylan awhile ago (I’ve mentioned his Substack before, I think he’s funny and insightful) and he shared a travel experience of his that really stuck with me: “I went on vacation to Asia. When I got back my coworker asked me how my trip was and then said “wait nevermind, I feel like I already saw it all on your Instagram stories.” I was devastated. Because she was right.”
I kept thinking about this! I wanted to be able to tell my friends all the juicy bits and pieces myself, so instead of real-time summarizing I tried to be a little more creative and post things that felt like a cheeky glimpse. This post is what inspired this article (and I was already back in the states when I made it!).
The best day of your life could happen at any moment. Dress for the occasion. One of my favorite quotes is “luck favors the prepared” and I didn’t realize how much it related to getting (extra) dressed until this trip. A few of my favorite moments happened on a whim and I was always READY for them. When you look good, you feel good. And when you feel good, the chances of the best day of your life happening increase exponentially. It’s science!!! ;) Waking up with this mindset for so many days in a row was really good for my mental health. No dirty hair and workout clothes for moi, gracias.
Flirt, dance, kiss, converse, etc! Perhaps the best reminder of all was to just…ummmm… live a little? “Dating with intention” and hyper-fixating on Hinge prompts can be total vibe killers. Using Hinge to find eligible Spanish hotties to practice your español with? Vibe booster. Making small talk with the group of guys next to you and your friends at the wine bar in Paris and proceeding to gallivant around the City of Lights with them until early morning? VIBE BOOSTER. I understand why dating in your mid-30s can feel serious, but wow, what a joy to actually detach from outcome and just be.
Ok, your turn. Where is your dream solo adventure taking you?
xx, Caylee
Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this post you may also love Actually, it is all fun and games and 33 lessons in girlhood
Love this for you! What an awesome experience. I got married young, but deep in my bones I really feel like I missed out on this kind of adventure. So proud of people who are doing this!